


Diamonds & Rust

by Hexiva



Category: Marvel 616, X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Fatal Attractions (Marvel story arc), Gen, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Utopia, holocaust mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:11:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexiva/pseuds/Hexiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While they're both living on Utopia, Magneto has a nightmare that wakes Charles Xavier. (Formerly titled "The Scars of the Past")</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diamonds & Rust

_Because I need some of that vagueness now_  
_It's all come back too clearly_  
_Yes I loved you dearly_  
_We both know what memories can bring  
_ _They bring diamonds and rust  
_ \- **Diamonds & Rust, Joan Baez**

_Erik was on his knees. Phantoms of his past played out before him, all of the pain and loss and fear he had felt then returned and magnified a hundred times. His head burned with agony._

_“Charles,” he managed, looking up and seeing his old friend standing above him, beyond the ghostly memories. “Oh, Charles, how far you’ve fallen . . .”_

_“I’m sorry, old friend. But we both knew it was going to end this way.” Charles took a step closer, and the pain intensified. Erik screamed. “Let go, Erik. Don’t make this more painful than it has to be.”_

_“Charles!” Erik fell back, gripping his head in his hands. “Please, Charles, don’t do this to me.”_

_“Erik . . .”_

“Erik? Erik! Wake up!” 

Erik opened his eyes and saw his old enemy standing over him, reaching a hand out. Before he could even think, he was in motion, seizing Charles’ arm violently and getting ready to punch him.

And then he blinked, and remembered where he was. Asteroid M. _Utopia._ He was safe. Charles was his ally again; his closest friend. That day, years ago, when Charles had finally given up hope for him was long past. 

“Charles?” he said unsteadily, his grip relaxing. “You startled me. I . . . didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Charles pulled his arm gently out of Erik’s hand. “No, although you have a very firm grip, my friend.” He massaged his arm ruefully. 

Erik sat up, rubbing his face. His head ached, a dim echo of the agony that had come with the dream. “What are you doing in my bedroom?”

“You shouted my name,” Charles said, sitting down on the bed next to him. “When I came in, you seemed to be rather distressed. I thought it kindest to wake you up.”

Erik winced in shame. “I’m sorry, Charles. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” I didn’t mean for you to see my weakness, he thought to himself. 

“You have nothing to apologize for. I was only reading.” Charles reached out to put a hand on Erik’s shoulder, and Erik shifted away. Charles let his hand drop, understanding. “I have them too, you know.”

“Them?”

“Nightmares,” Charles clarified. “Phantoms of the past. You are not the only one with demons, my friend.”

Erik ran a hand through his hair and leaned back against the headboard. He shut his eyes. After a long moment, he said, quietly, “I’ve had them since I escaped Poland.” He doesn’t say Auschwitz or the camps. This is a difficult enough topic without dwelling on the specifics, he thinks.

“I know,” Charles said kindly. “I have had nightmares from far less . . . I can hardly imagine how one could sleep easy after such an experience.” He paused, and then added, “But I didn’t think I figured in those dreams.”

Erik stared up at the shadowy roof of his room, unwilling to make eye contact with Charles. “I was dreaming of Avalon. My own would-be ‘Utopia.’ Nearly twenty years ago, now . . . how time flies.”

He heard a sharp intake of breath from Charles. “Magnus . . . I . . . I never wanted to . . . ”

Erik glanced back at Charles, giving him a small smile. He was beginning to feel better now, warm and sleepy and safe. “Please, Charles. You should have done it years ago.”

“I don’t believe that,” Charles said, sharply, and then added, softer, “I’ve always regretted it.”

“You shouldn’t,” Erik said. “I would have thought less of you if you had chosen my life over the cause. You know, I think, that I would not do the same.” He hesitated. “I hope I would not,” he said. In that moment, it was hard to imagine choosing a life without Charles. 

He lay down again, pulling the blankets up over him. “Charles . . . will you stay with me?”

“Stay?” Charles said, puzzled. “At Utopia?”

Erik shook his head. “No. Will you stay the night?” He glanced over at the other side of the bed. 

Charles followed his line of sight. “I . . .” He seemed suddenly unsure. Uncertain what exactly Erik was asking of him. 

Erik didn’t meet his eyes. “For once in my life . . . I do not wish to be alone tonight.” He glanced back up at the ceiling. “If you still fear I will betray you, you need not worry. Nor will I . . . overstep my boundaries.” The meaning of that last sentence was clear.

Charles nodded. “Then all right.” He got up to walk around the bed. “I hope you don’t snore, Erik.”

Erik grinned. “The same to you, old friend.” He pulled the blankets back, and Charles climbed in. Erik let out a breath, tension draining out of his body. “Thank you, Charles.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Charles said, settling back. “You haven’t found out whether I snore.”

Erik shut his eyes, smiling. He could hear Charles’ breath and feel the blood pumping through his veins. It was a rare luxury, to simply be able to enjoy his friend’s presence. He let his mind drift . . . and found his thoughts drawn, inexorably, back to Avalon. This was the first time they had even talked about what had happened, what Charles had done to him. “Charles?”

“Yes?”

“At the end there, on Avalon . . . I saw something, a vision or a dream. A glimpse of a world where you and I had never parted ways.” A perfect world where he and Charles, hand in hand, had brought peace to their species. “Was that you, or me? You were in my mind . . .”

There was a long silence from the other side of the bed. Erik started to wonder if Charles had fallen asleep. And then Charles said, “It was me. I wanted . . . I hoped to bring you peace.”

Erik caught his breath sharply. He wasn’t sure if it was fear or hope that shot through him. “An illusion to mask a painful truth. How very like you, my friend.”

“I didn’t want you to be alone. Not then.” 

“Better to live together and die alone than the opposite.” Erik rolled onto his side to face Charles. “Charles . . . is it too late? Have I destroyed whatever vestiges remained of that dream?” He knew, in his heart, that the answer was yes. But he wanted very badly for Charles to tell him that wasn’t true. 

Charles looked deep into his eyes. “I am here. Isn’t that answer enough?”


End file.
